Finn Murrie has been plagued by bad luck his whole life: dropped at birth, losing a toe to a cherry bomb at five, breaking his arm at seven after his grandma coaxed him off the Twisty slide, and nearly killed by lightning at fourteen. Grandma insists God owes him double good luck for every misfortune. At nineteen, running home from his girlfriend Ellie's, Finn collides with another young man dressed similarly. Moments later, men in a black van drug and abduct him.

Finn wakes in a windowless cell and is subjected to blasts of loud music. Two captors, Doc and Pando, bring him before white-haired Mr. Ludlum, who insists Finn is "Bobby Feeney" and demands a missing briefcase of papers. Finn protests his identity, even producing his Odeon card—but it's spelled "Murray" rather than "Murrie," reinforcing Ludlum's suspicion. Doc slaps Finn while Ludlum hands him a misspelled, crudely written pamphlet titled "World-Approved Techneeks for Advanced Interogation."

Finn is later dragged out, hooded, and waterboarded while interrogators now demand information about a "bomb factory" and blueprints. Returned to his cell, broken and coughing, he finally sleeps and dreams of Pettingill Park.

The next morning Mr. Ludlum appears unhinged, drunk, and bloodied, rambling about Elvis Presley cannibalizing his twin in the womb. He promises Finn breakfast if he names three Elvis songs. Finn complies, but Doc secretly diverts him from the poisoned breakfast, smuggles him into the van with Pando, and drives him away. Doc reveals Ludlum's organization is collapsing, that they once "saved the world in '17," and that Ludlum has lost his mind. They release Finn in his hometown with a wad of euros, Doc kissing his forehead and asking for prayers.

Finn walks home dazed, sits in Pettingill Park, and wonders if his rescue is real or a dying hallucination from waterboarding—reminiscent of an Ambrose Bierce story. To test reality, he climbs the Twisty slide one more time, declares "Elvis has left the building," and pushes off.