Chapter 12

In a brutal August heat wave, Natalie delivers a six-pound daughter, Clementine. Instead of bonding, Natalie is unsettled by Clementine’s dark eyes and fixed O-shaped mouth, feeling a malevolent aura she cannot voice. She performs for family and staff, but privately questions, “Who are you?” Exhaustion and pain feed her dread.

In the hospital, Natalie confides to her mother that she feels like an experiment and hints the baby may not be hers. Her mother minimizes the distress, suggesting that returning home or exercise will fix it, while a nurse objects and implicitly recommends psychological help. Natalie resists leaving the hospital and admits fear.

Pressed by her mother’s ingrained advice—men’s needs and appearances matter—Natalie latches onto the jogging idea despite the nurse’s warnings. She sneaks out during a shift change and tries to jog around the ER lot, re-tearing stitches and bleeding heavily, until she collapses and is helped back inside.

Cradled by her mother, Natalie sobs that she cannot do this, and her mother replies that she can because she must, soothing her with hymns until Natalie calms. When Clementine’s cry pierces the room, her mother whispers, “Get up,” reinforcing duty over distress as Natalie’s postpartum crisis remains unacknowledged.