Chapter Thirty-Two

Conrad narrates a past relationship with Agnes, a smart pre-med classmate who asked him out. Their connection centers on studying and casual intimacy, but without deeper integration into each other’s lives. When Agnes asks if he has ever been in love, Conrad admits yes—once—and names Belly. Pressed further, he cannot claim love for Agnes, and she observes he keeps people at a distance and likely still loves Belly.

Shifting to the present, Belly teases Conrad about whether another girl kept him away. Internally, Conrad acknowledges there was someone—Agnes—but that the real reason he stayed away for two years was Belly herself, because being near her made self-control impossible. He had even considered leaving the summer house but couldn’t bring himself to go.

Conrad reveals his core motivation: a promise made at his mother’s deathbed to take care of Jeremiah. To him, that meant leaving and suppressing his feelings for Belly to protect his brother. He frames himself as many things—imperfect but not a liar—except for one deliberate lie to Belly in a motel, meant to protect her by pushing her away.

Ending in regret, Conrad recalls Belly’s hurt in that moment and wishes he could redo it, confess his love, and spare her pain. The chapter exposes Conrad’s enduring love, his self-denial for Jeremiah’s sake, and the cost of his protective lie.