Part Two — Chapter One: Alicia Berenson’s Diary

In mid-July during a relentless heatwave, Alicia writes from Hampstead Heath, recalling a childhood summer with her mother before her death. A decaying bird crawling with maggots fixates her, introducing a visceral preoccupation with death.

Seeking relief, Alicia haunts an air-conditioned café and buys a fan for sleepless nights with Gabriel. Working in her garden studio, she realizes her crucifixion painting isn’t Jesus but Gabriel, prompting a decision to repaint and ask him to pose despite his occasional religious discomfort.

On a sweltering walk through Camden, Alicia feels sexual longing for Gabriel, is unsettled by a homeless man, and spirals into fear about inheriting her mother’s “madness,” reexamining the crash as possible attempted murder. She cuts herself off from writing further on that thought.

On their Friday “date night,” Alicia and Gabriel reaffirm their bond. She asks him to sit for the painting; he resists the symbolism but reluctantly agrees, wary of what others might infer. Alicia frames the painting as an organic truth rather than commentary on their marriage.

During the studio session, Alicia struggles to capture Gabriel’s defining eye-sparkle; the painted eyes remain dead. Frustration leads to a break and to sex on the studio floor. Even then, Alicia feels watched by the portrait’s lifeless gaze, ending the entry with an unsettling sense of foreboding.