Contents
Book Five: Save Yourself — 14.
Overview
Donna tries to bully Allie into relapsing, using grief and provocation to control the evening. Their talk exposes Donna’s justification for targeting Gwen and her own self-loathing, while Allie gains clarity about her unhealthy fixation. Donna finally passes out, and Allie quietly preserves her hard-won sobriety—now day fifteen.
Summary
Allie follows Donna upstairs at The Briars, torn between desire, shame, and the plan to stay sober. Donna insists on drinks to “mourn Spock,” mocking Allie’s two weeks of AA and pushing a glass to her lips. Allie’s drink is only tonic, but Donna doesn’t realize it.
As they watch old Star Trek, Allie recalls Van with bittersweet affection and examines her long-standing attraction to Donna. Donna needles Allie about sex and past costumes, flaunting power over Allie’s desire. Prodded about Gwen, Donna refuses to discuss while sober and demands stronger drinking.
Provoked, Donna vents: Gwen would have killed them; their preemptive violence saved lives; Robin Fellows should also be removed. Allie corrects Donna’s pronouns and counters that Gwen aimed to destroy King Sorrow. Donna admits she dislikes herself, asks if Allie likes her, and rejects being called brave.
Allie unexpectedly feels joy at seeing through Donna’s manipulations and imagining freedom. She comforts the weeping, drunken Donna, who soon passes out. It’s after one in the morning when Allie notes she is fifteen days sober—she never put gin in her glass—and she has kept control.
Who Appears
- AllieAt The Briars to covertly get Donna drunk and take the key; resists relapse, reaches day fifteen sober.
- DonnaManipulates Allie to drink, defends targeting Gwen, reveals self-loathing, breaks down, and passes out.
- Van (Donovan)Remembered with love and regret; his memory frames Allie’s reflection on desire and friendship.
- GwenDiscussed as a threat; Donna claims preemption, Allie insists Gwen aimed to destroy King Sorrow.
- ColinMentioned as Donna’s partner and enforcer; his tolerance used in Donna’s crude provocations.
- Robin FellowsReferenced; Donna dismisses her pronouns and suggests eliminating her as a lingering threat.