If He Had Been with Me, #2
If Only I Had Told Her
by Laura Nowlin
Contents
Jack — Sixteen
Overview
On the weekend before Finn’s birthday, Jack returns home and mows the lawn at Finn’s mother’s house, trying to honor Finn’s chores. Autumn, deep in grief, reacts painfully, shattering Jack’s fragile intent. Jack withdraws, spends time with his newly gentle parents, and returns to school, regretting not doing what Finn would have wanted.
Summary
Five weeks into college, Jack returns to Ferguson for the weekend before Finn’s birthday, feeling compelled to be home. His parents greet him warmly and, surprisingly cordial with each other, suggest an outing, while Jack commits to mowing the lawn at Finn’s mother’s house to cover Finn’s old chore.
The next morning, Jack brings his father’s mower and begins cutting the grass. As he works, he reflects on Finn’s absence—how Finn will miss the changing seasons, first-time voting, and the unfolding future—and renews private promises to live with intention on Finn’s behalf.
When Jack pauses, he notices Autumn at the screen door. She has left a glass of water but, when Jack approaches, she reveals she was pretending it was Finn mowing and says Jack has ruined the illusion. Gaunt and strained, Autumn shuts down the interaction, and Jack, stunned and uncertain, leaves without pressing further or seeking out Angelina.
Jack returns home, watches the game with his father, and eats tacos with his parents, who remain unusually kind to each other. Pushing away thoughts of Autumn’s grief alongside his own, Jack drives back to school the next day, admitting to himself that he failed to do what Finn would have wanted—check on Autumn and stay present.
Who Appears
- JackNarrator; returns home, mows Finn’s mom’s lawn to honor Finn, clashes indirectly with Autumn’s grief, then withdraws.
- AutumnAt Finn’s mom’s house; grieving and fragile, admits she was pretending Finn was mowing and rebuffs Jack.
- Jack’s MomWarm and unexpectedly harmonious with Jack’s dad; suggests an outing and shares a meal with Jack.
- Jack’s DadFriendly and conciliatory; watches the game with Jack and shares tacos, signaling a calmer home dynamic.
- AngelinaFinn’s mother; not seen directly, but Jack mows her lawn in Finn’s stead.
- BrettJack’s college roommate; mentioned as supportive and understanding of grief.
- FinnDeceased friend; his missed future and chores motivate Jack’s visit and reflections.