If He Had Been with Me, #2
If Only I Had Told Her
by Laura Nowlin
Contents
Jack — Five
Overview
At Finn’s memorial and burial, Jack serves as pallbearer and confronts the finality of death as Finn’s coffin is lowered at Bellefontaine Cemetery. Sylvie sits between Angelina and Finn’s estranged father. Coach reads a poem for a fallen athlete. Jack cannot cast dirt, picturing Autumn returning later.
Summary
During Finn’s memorial, Jack is haunted by Autumn’s earlier goodbye at the casket and by her absence among the mourners. He observes Sylvie seated between Angelina and Finn’s father, who stares ahead, rigid and silent. Jack notes familiar faces, including Jamie Allen, and senses people searching for Autumn.
When the funeral director signals, Jack and teammates lift the coffin and carry Finn to the hearse, the act underscoring Finn’s absence and the surreal finality. Jack rides with Coach to Bellefontaine Cemetery, recalling Finn’s trivia about the place and recognizing the bitter irony.
At the graveside, the team carries the coffin with steadier steps and sets it down. Jack notices Finn’s father leaning forward with his head in his hands while Sylvie sits erect, seemingly a barrier beside Angelina. Coach reads a poem about an athlete dying young, its meaning sharpened by the setting.
The coffin is lowered to the mechanical hum. Jack is struck by the permanence of Finn’s resting place and cannot bring himself to cast a handful of dirt as others do. He remains still, imagining Autumn returning later, after the crowd disperses, to be alone with Finn.
Who Appears
- JackNarrator and pallbearer; grapples with Finn’s death, carries the coffin, and cannot cast dirt at burial.
- FinnDeceased friend and teammate; memorialized and buried at Bellefontaine Cemetery.
- SylvieFinn’s girlfriend; sits rigidly beside Finn’s father, present as a central mourner.
- AngelinaFinn’s mother; seated at the front, composed yet grieving during the graveside service.
- Finn’s fatherEstranged, silent presence; leans forward with head in hands throughout the service.
- CoachDrives Jack to the cemetery and reads the poem about an athlete dying young.
- Funeral directorGuides pallbearers and cues the transition from memorial to burial.
- Jamie AllenAutumn’s ex; attends with another girl, observed whispering and looking around.
- Jack’s parentsOffer support but skip the graveside service with Jack’s consent.
- TeammatesFellow pallbearers who carry Finn’s casket with Jack at memorial and graveside.