If He Had Been with Me, #2
If Only I Had Told Her
by Laura Nowlin
Contents
Jack — Two
Overview
Jack drifts through a grief gathering at Alexis’s house, observing friends mourning and mythologizing Finn. Alexis pushes a story that Finn was devoted to Sylvie and hints Autumn merely flirted. Sylvie is absent, and Jack remembers a small act of Finn’s kindness, contemplates death, and decides not to challenge the narrative.
Summary
Jack arrives at Alexis’s crowded basement, feeling detached as mourners drink, cry, and share memories of Finn. The foosball table triggers grief, and Jack struggles to reconcile the familiarity of the space with Finn’s death. His numbness fades into quiet horror as he scans for Sylvie, who is not there.
Jack recalls Alexis’s description of Finn’s electrical burns and Sylvie awakening to see he was dead. He drifts into a visceral awareness of life and death, imagining bodies as future corpses and then grounding himself by feeling his lungs and heartbeat, recognizing that he is still alive.
Nearby, classmates share small kindnesses they remember, including a girl’s story about a pencil Finn kept for her. Jack recognizes her as Maddie and remembers Finn’s explanation that he saved a specific pencil for her in trig so she wouldn’t get in trouble, underscoring Finn’s everyday thoughtfulness.
Across the room, Alexis loudly shapes the narrative: Finn loved Sylvie deeply; he would never have cheated; Autumn only flirted. Jack considers correcting this, knowing Finn had planned to break up with Sylvie, but concludes that exposing the truth would only complicate Sylvie’s grief and the group’s tidy story.
Jack returns to his corner, listens to others compare losses, and feels alienated by how easily they speak. He chooses silence, holds onto the memory of Finn’s care for people around him, and, for a moment, envies Finn’s escape from the noise of the living.
Who Appears
- JackNarrator; attends Alexis’s gathering, observes others’ grief, recalls Finn’s kindness, wrestles with mortality, and stays silent about the breakup.
- AlexisHost of the gathering; publicly insists Finn was devoted to Sylvie and implies Autumn merely flirted.
- FinnRecently deceased friend; remembered for small kindnesses, including saving a pencil for a classmate.
- SylvieFinn’s girlfriend; absent with a concussion, central to the narrative Alexis promotes about Finn’s devotion.
- MaddieClassmate who recalls Finn keeping a dedicated pencil for her, illustrating his everyday thoughtfulness.
- AutumnJack notes her grief; Alexis frames her as a flirt despite her deeper connection with Finn.