If He Had Been with Me, #2
If Only I Had Told Her
by Laura Nowlin
Contents
Finn — Four
Overview
Finn struggles to control his desire for Autumn and speaks with Sylvie during her London layover, evasively answering about greeting her at the airport. He admits to himself he must end things with Sylvie. A flashback shows how making varsity introduced him to the cheerleaders, including Sylvie, and quietly shifted him away from Autumn. The chapter clarifies Finn’s unwavering devotion to Autumn and his fading romantic love for Sylvie.
Summary
Finn wakes exhausted, guilt-ridden over fantasies about Autumn, and forces himself through a scalding-then-cold shower to regain control. He reminds himself Autumn is his friend and to avoid ruining that, even as he braces for her leaving again.
Sylvie calls from a London layover. She excitedly shares her sightseeing plans and assumes Finn will meet her flight. Finn lies noncommittally, feeling the growing impossibility of greeting her affectionately and then breaking up. He reflects that he loves Sylvie but is no longer devoted to her as a life partner, while his devotion to Autumn feels elemental.
Finn worries whether Sylvie suspects the breakup and notes how he hid his renewed closeness with Autumn over the summer after initially mentioning Autumn’s breakup with Jamie. He recognizes their conversations have become stilted, ending with mutual “I love yous” that no longer tell the whole truth.
A flashback explains the roots of Finn and Sylvie: unexpectedly making varsity soccer elevated his status and separated his schedule from Jack’s. After practice, he met cheerleaders—Alexis, Victoria, Taylor, and Sylvie—who began waiting to walk with him, signaling a new social orbit.
With Jack, Finn jokes about crushes and admits attraction to Sylvie because she seems authentically herself, noting she is Autumn’s opposite physically. He recalls his happiness then, believing acceptance by Autumn’s friends would help him with Autumn, only later realizing those girls were no longer really Autumn’s friends and that this path subtly pulled him further from her.
Who Appears
- Finn (Phineas) SmithNarrator; fights desire for Autumn, lies to Sylvie about the airport, resolves to end their relationship, recalls varsity and meeting Sylvie.
- SylvieFinn’s girlfriend; calls from a London layover, expects an airport pickup, shares plans, says she loves him, possibly sensing distance.
- AutumnFinn’s lifelong love; absent but central to his thoughts as he restrains desire and acknowledges unwavering devotion.
- JackFinn’s close friend; sleepover mentioned, appears in flashback discussing crushes and reacting to Finn making varsity.
- AlexisCheerleader from flashback; first to invite Finn to walk with the group, linking him to the new social circle.
- VictoriaCheerleader from flashback; part of the group that waited for Finn after practice.
- TaylorCheerleader from flashback; accompanies Alexis and others when meeting Finn.