If He Had Been with Me, #2
If Only I Had Told Her
by Laura Nowlin
Contents
Autumn — Thirteen
Overview
Autumn meets John Smith, Finny’s estranged father, who accepts her terms and formally transfers money set aside for Finny to her and the baby without conditions. John admits to cowardice, explains the name “Phineas,” and recounts a failed reconnection. Together they plan a memory book for the child as Autumn’s ultrasound approaches.
Summary
Autumn dresses to meet John Smith at a formal restaurant, with her mother dropping her off but respecting Autumn’s decision to go alone. Inside, Autumn is startled by John’s strong resemblance to an older Finny. John recalls a brief meeting from their childhood and accepts Autumn’s pointed reminder of his absence.
Over drinks and salads, John admits he stayed away out of fear of being a bad father, lying to himself because Finny seemed happy without him. He explains calling him Phineas—named for John’s mythologized grandfather—and confesses that the birth of his daughter Stella shattered his denial, though he still failed to reenter Finny’s life.
They touch on the red car John bought after his depression; Autumn confirms Finny loved it. Autumn mentions tomorrow’s anatomy scan. She presses about Thanksgiving, and John describes his ex-wife’s coldness and his own silence, which led to another abandonment.
Autumn refuses to feel like she’s selling her child. John agrees, offering documents and transferring the money with no strings, even if Autumn cuts contact. He asks only to stay for lunch so Autumn can tell him about Finny.
John shares that he’s been meeting coaches, teachers, classmates, and Sylvia to gather stories, notes, and recordings. Autumn proposes compiling those accounts with photos Jack is collecting into a book for the baby, preserving original voices while she edits for clarity and timeline. They skip more drinks and spread papers across the table, effectively building another inheritance—memories and resources—for Finny’s child.
Who Appears
- AutumnPregnant protagonist; confronts John Smith, secures funds without strings, and proposes a memory book for her child.
- John SmithFinny’s estranged father; admits cowardice, explains name origins, recounts failed reconnection, and transfers money to Autumn and the baby.
- Autumn’s MomDrops Autumn off, stays nearby; relationship strained but supportive of Autumn’s independent choice.