If He Had Been with Me, #2
If Only I Had Told Her
by Laura Nowlin
Contents
Autumn — Two
Overview
Autumn visits her friend Angie and sees the realities of new motherhood, confronting fears about raising Finn’s baby alone. Their talk surfaces old relationships, grief, and loneliness. Later, Autumn’s mother urges her to choose the pregnancy for herself. Autumn decides she wants the baby and recommits to living.
Summary
Autumn visits her old friend Angie in her cramped basement apartment, meeting Angie’s infant daughter, Guinevere. She shares that she is pregnant, due May 1, and voices fear and uncertainty. Angie, exhausted yet confident, normalizes the terror of motherhood and notes she always sensed Autumn and Finn’s connection, which startles Autumn into reliving memories.
They discuss how friendships have drifted since graduation and college. Angie confesses loneliness and support gaps, while Autumn admits she can’t talk more about Finn. Angie reveals she confronted Jamie and Sasha about their relationship; Autumn feels no fresh hurt but mourns the lost chance with Finn had she known sooner. Autumn acknowledges she once believed dying might be easier, but says the pregnancy anchors her to life; Angie gently warns she’ll need more than that and urges her to keep choosing life.
On the ride home, Autumn’s mother asks if seeing the baby made things feel real and stresses that Autumn must choose the pregnancy for herself, not for Finn or family. Autumn admits she wants Finn’s baby for her own sake but fears she might be too broken to love it without him.
Her mother reassures her that love will come when the child is present and that parenthood breaks and remakes a person. Weighing the unknowns of an alternate life with Finn, Autumn accepts the present reality and decides she wants the baby. They go inside together, with Autumn quietly recommitting to life and motherhood.
Who Appears
- AutumnPregnant with Finn’s baby; visits Angie, confronts fears, admits past suicidality, and decides she truly wants to keep the baby.
- AngieAutumn’s friend and new mother; offers candid insight into motherhood, recalls Autumn and Finn’s bond, and provides support.
- Autumn’s motherPicks Autumn up; urges her to choose the pregnancy for herself and reassures her love will come.
- GuinevereAngie’s five-month-old daughter; her presence makes motherhood feel real to Autumn.
- FinnDeceased father of Autumn’s baby; his absence shapes Autumn’s grief and decision to keep the child.