If He Had Been with Me, #2
If Only I Had Told Her
by Laura Nowlin
Contents
Jack — Eleven
Overview
Jack forces himself to attend a big party to reassure his parents and test his friendships. He’s met with pity and avoidance, realizing how shallow his ties are without Finn. Kyle privately admits everyone is spooked by Finn’s death. Jack leaves early, deciding a college fresh start is necessary.
Summary
Under parental pressure to appear okay before leaving for college, Jack decides to attend a party in St. Charles. On the drive, he reflects on Finn’s and Sylvie’s old patterns and his own passivity, realizing he lacks friends beyond Finn.
At the crowded house, Jack tests small talk with Trevor, who is skittish. He then approaches Chloe and Steph, whose pitying questions about his behavior since the funeral unsettle him. Seeking normalcy, he moves to the gaming room where the soccer guys gather, but an awkward silence follows his arrival.
Jasmine labels Jack “brave,” and he senses everyone’s discomfort—fear of “death by association.” The team avoids eye contact; even casual banter dies. When Jasmine starts to define him by Finn’s death, Jack decides to leave without goodbyes.
Outside, Kyle stops Jack to apologize. Kyle explains that Finn’s death unsettled everyone—if it could happen to Finn, it could happen to them—so they distance themselves. Jack accepts the honesty, recognizes these aren’t friendships worth saving, and departs.
Jack later tells his parents the night went fine and concludes that college, and a genuine fresh start, is what he needs.
Who Appears
- Jack MurphyNarrator; attends a party, faces pity and avoidance, leaves early, and resolves to seek a fresh start at college.
- KyleInvites Jack, later admits people are scared after Finn’s death, offering blunt context for the group’s distance.
- RickySoccer teammate; awkward and evasive around Jack, highlighting the group’s discomfort.
- JamalTeammate; focuses on a video game to avoid engagement, contributing to the room’s tense silence.
- SethTeammate; unusually quiet amid the awkwardness, part of the uneasy group dynamic.
- JasmineRicky’s girlfriend; calls Jack “brave,” objectifies his grief, and triggers his decision to leave.
- ChloeAcquaintance; greets Jack with intrusive pity, embodying the party’s shallow concern.
- StephChloe’s friend; joins in the pitying interrogation about Jack’s recent behavior.
- Trevor JonesClassmate at the keg line; uneasy and curt, reinforcing Jack’s social alienation.
- Bunny (Bunnell)Teammate focused on a video game, part of the scene that turns awkward when Jack arrives.