If He Had Been with Me, #2
If Only I Had Told Her
by Laura Nowlin
Contents
Finn — One
Overview
Finn wakes with Autumn in his arms after a group sleepover, intensifying his unresolved love for her. Jack confronts Finn about his feelings and the fallout he’s courting, especially with Sylvie returning from Europe. Finn resolves to end things with Sylvie while dreading inevitable heartbreak when college begins.
Summary
Before dawn, Finn wakes in a blanket fort, with Autumn unconsciously curled against him. He recalls her chaotic sleep habits and a dreamlike exchange where she “sweeps” a space between pretend and reality. Torn between desire and respect, he eases away, ashamed of his body’s reaction and unsure of her consent.
Hearing Jack in the bathroom, Finn’s thoughts drift to Sylvie, his current girlfriend traveling alone in Europe on her therapist’s advice. He reflects on her growth, competence, and tendency to drink to impress, hoping the trip helps her value herself for her own reasons.
Jack returns and confronts Finn, insisting Finn is in too deep with Autumn. Finn admits Autumn needs him as she drifts from other friends, yet claims she sees his love as an old crush. Jack presses the point, warning that even he—uncomfortable with feelings—can see the truth.
They imagine the near future: Finn and Autumn leaving for Springfield, where Autumn may find someone new, leaving Finn devastated. Finn insists he won’t give up their bond and will ensure any future boyfriend supports her. Jack notes Finn’s increasing distraction, like missing a favorite soccer game to wander the mall with Autumn.
Finn decides to break up with Sylvie when she returns the next day. Autumn wakes, nauseous from the previous night’s drinks, and rushes to the bathroom. As Finn moves to check on her, Jack asks what comes after the breakup, forcing Finn to confront the unresolved question of living in love with Autumn without hope of reciprocation.
Who Appears
- Finn (Finny)Narrator; wakes with Autumn, wrestles with long-standing love, plans to break up with Sylvie, fears future heartbreak.
- Autumn DavisChildhood friend and love interest; restless sleeper, recently broken up with Jamie, hungover, unknowingly deepening Finn’s feelings.
- JackFinn’s best friend; hungover, bluntly confronts Finn about Autumn and Sylvie, pushes him to face consequences.
- SylvieFinn’s girlfriend abroad; on a solo Europe trip for growth; catalyst for Finn’s decision to end the relationship.
- JamieAutumn’s ex-boyfriend; his breakup preceded Finn and Autumn spending more time together.