If He Had Been with Me, #2
If Only I Had Told Her
by Laura Nowlin
Contents
Jack — Fourteen
Overview
Jack spends his first Saturday finding a campus running route and observing his distant coexistence with Brett. During laps, he wrestles with memories of Finn and Autumn, works through a side stitch, and reframes his grief. He resolves to accept Finn’s death and define college life for himself.
Summary
After his first week of classes, Jack wakes early on Saturday to establish a reliable running route, determined not to lose discipline without his high school coach. He leaves his disengaged roommate, Brett, sleeping and quickly eats before heading out.
Jack surveys campus options, rejecting the quad’s uneven sidewalks and favoring a newer, smoother loop by a modern building. He notes Brett’s odd routine—social in the evenings yet withdrawn in their room—and wonders whether, if Finn were alive, they and Autumn would have gone out together.
As Jack settles into laps, thoughts of Finn intensify. He tries to focus on breathing, but a side stitch hits, forcing him to correct his pace and concentrate. The pain mirrors his grief: time is changing Jack while Finn remains fixed in memory, and Jack fears losing the immediacy of who Finn was.
Jack searches for a way to remember Finn without suffering. He recalls the funeral and Angelina’s hope that Finn’s belongings would help others, a memory that briefly felt good. This prompts Jack to consider what Finn would want for him now.
As the stitch eases and his rhythm returns, Jack admits the truth: Finn is gone. For Finn’s sake, Jack decides to accept Finn’s death and allow himself to figure out what “a good time in college” means for him. He commits to breathing through the pain and moving forward.
Who Appears
- Jack MurphyNarrator; tests a new running route, confronts grief mid-run, and resolves to accept Finn’s death.
- BrettJack’s aloof roommate; social in common areas but distant and silent in their shared room.
- FinnJack’s deceased friend; central to Jack’s thoughts as Jack reframes grief and acceptance.
- AutumnFinn’s girlfriend; appears in Jack’s imaginings about what college might have been like.