If He Had Been with Me, #2
If Only I Had Told Her
by Laura Nowlin
Contents
Autumn — Eight
Overview
Autumn goes maternity shopping with her mother and Aunt Angelina, exposing tension over relying on her father’s money. In the store, Autumn grapples with unfamiliar bodily changes and uncertain fetal flutters. Choosing a black dress shifts her self-perception, easing grief and affirming readiness, which softens the mothers’ conflict.
Summary
Buoyed by a productive library trip with Angie, Autumn edits her novel’s first chapter and asks her mother to shop for maternity clothes. Aunt Angelina joins, and on the drive they spar about buying limits, hinting at deeper friction over accepting Autumn’s father’s financial support.
At the store, a saleslady helps while Autumn braces for judgment about being young and unmarried. As Autumn tries on jeans, she becomes acutely aware of her changing body and uncertain flutters that might be the baby, underscoring her detachment and grief for Finn. Her mother pushes a broad selection; Aunt Angelina resists excess.
In the dressing room, Autumn studies her swelling belly and altered breasts, struggling to feel the expected affection. Memories of Finn’s voice surface as she tests clothes that feel alien. Despite reluctance, she agrees to try a black cocktail dress.
Seeing herself in the dress, Autumn feels unexpectedly capable and attractive, imagining future professionalism and agency. This moment reframes her identity from grieving girl to emerging mother-writer, even without Finn’s reassurance.
They purchase a balanced assortment—jeans, a few tops, khakis, and the dress—easing earlier tension. On the ride home, the conflict dissipates, and Autumn treats the dress as a talisman of adulthood, choosing to affirm herself where Finn cannot.
Who Appears
- AutumnPregnant protagonist; shops for maternity clothes, confronts body changes, recalls Finn, and finds renewed confidence in a black dress.
- MomEnthusiastic about preparing Autumn; advocates buying broadly and uses Dad’s card, easing tension after the purchase.
- Aunt AngelinaProtective and pragmatic; challenges overspending and Dad’s financial role, but supports Autumn’s practical needs.
- SalesladyGuides them to maternity options; her presence heightens Autumn’s awareness of outside judgment.
- Finn (Finny)Absent boyfriend; appears in Autumn’s inner voice, shaping her grief and motivating self-affirmation.