If He Had Been with Me, #2
If Only I Had Told Her
by Laura Nowlin
Contents
Finn — Twelve
Overview
After waking with Autumn, Finn declines Sylvie’s call and schedules to see her alone later, intending to end things. He and Autumn confront guilt, Sylvie’s trauma, and his past dishonesty, but reaffirm their mutual love. Jack’s earlier warning to Autumn comes to light, easing doubts. The couple deepen their intimacy and commit to moving forward together.
Summary
Finn wakes beside Autumn to a call from Sylvie, which he declines. Prompted by Autumn’s concern about their parents, he checks a text and replies to meet Sylvie alone at 7 p.m. after her family dinner. Finn and Autumn settle back into bed, grappling with guilt while savoring being together.
Autumn asks about regret, and Finn explains that although he feels guilty, he believes he is honoring a deeper truth. When Autumn wishes their night had been Finn’s first time, he carefully describes his fraught sexual history with Sylvie, shaped by Sylvie’s past trauma and alcohol use, and his constant fear of hurting her. Autumn listens as Finn admits intense jealousy over the thought of Autumn with Jamie and even punching a wall after graduation.
Finn recounts how his refusal to address feelings for Autumn once led Sylvie to break up with him; he later lied to Sylvie to reconcile, trying to love only her. He clarifies that his recent plan to end things with Sylvie was about fairness, not expecting a chance with Autumn. When Autumn fears he might reconsider after seeing Sylvie, Finn unequivocally declares his love, calling Autumn the standard by which he’s judged everyone. Autumn accepts and reciprocates, and they agree they are together.
Autumn reveals Jack told her weeks earlier that Finn had once been in love with her, though Jack also suggested Finn was over it. They speculate how Autumn might have acted if she’d known the full truth. Shifting to her novel, Autumn admits anxiety about exposing herself on the page; Finn praises the book’s quality and reassures her that, despite his hurt, he loved it as a story.
The scene culminates in renewed intimacy. Though Finn worries about pregnancy risk, Autumn asserts she knows what to do, and they proceed, binding themselves more tightly before Finn’s impending conversation with Sylvie.
Who Appears
- FinnNarrator; wakes with Autumn, plans to meet Sylvie to end things, confesses jealousy, past lies, and unwavering love for Autumn.
- AutumnNewly reciprocates Finn’s love; worries he might reconsider, discusses her novel fears, learns of Jack’s role, and deepens intimacy with Finn.
- SylvieAbsent but texting; returning from Chicago. Her past trauma and relationship history with Finn are discussed as he prepares to break up.
- JackOffstage friend who told Autumn Finn had once loved her, influencing her perspective and timing.
- JamieAutumn’s ex; mentioned as source of Finn’s jealousy and Autumn’s past feelings.
- The MothersParents referenced as a reason to check the phone so they don’t worry.