If He Had Been with Me, #2
If Only I Had Told Her
by Laura Nowlin
Contents
Finn — Two
Overview
Finn nurses Autumn through a hangover, trying to manage his desire and guilt while the trio quietly watch a movie. Outside, Jack challenges Finn’s contradictory story about Autumn and pushes him to break up with Sylvie and be honest. Autumn leaves to shower; Finn postpones any confession and slips into obsessive longing.
Summary
Finn checks on hungover Autumn, restraining his urge to hover while reflecting on how desire for her has made him complicit in locker-room objectification he despises. He recalls past hypocrisy, her long-ago boundary after he tried to kiss her, and his mother’s recent push to finally talk to Autumn—something Finn decides must wait.
In the kitchen, Finn makes Autumn toast exactly how she likes it while Jack distracts with film talk. The three settle on the couch to restart Goodfellas. Finn barely watches, monitoring Autumn’s recovery and worrying what she might have overheard about his plan to break up with Sylvie.
When Jack prepares to leave, he pulls Finn outside and bluntly says Finn’s story—Autumn both knowing and not knowing about his love—doesn’t make sense. Jack suggests Autumn likely knows and may be using that knowledge, tells Finn to end things with Sylvie and call afterward, and pushes him toward honesty. Finn agrees to the breakup but avoids committing to a talk with Autumn.
Back inside, Finn checks on Autumn; she feels better and heads home to shower. Finn watches from his room, remembers their closeness from the previous day, and drifts into intense, sexualized thoughts. Despite nudges from his mother and Jack, he resolves not to confess yet, focusing instead on ending things with Sylvie tomorrow.
Who Appears
- FinnNarrator; cares for hungover Autumn, wrestles with desire and guilt, agrees to break up with Sylvie, delays confessing feelings.
- AutumnHungover childhood friend; accepts Finn’s care, watches a movie, then goes home to shower, remaining unaware of his renewed turmoil.
- JackBest friend; distracts with film talk, then confronts Finn outside, urging him to dump Sylvie and be honest about Autumn.
- SylvieFinn’s girlfriend abroad; off-page catalyst as Finn plans to end their relationship tomorrow.
- Finn’s motherPreviously urged Finn to talk to Autumn; her advice lingers as Finn chooses to delay.
- Aunt ClaireAutumn’s mother; off-page, on a celebratory wine weekend, leaving Finn and Autumn with few rules.