If He Had Been with Me
by Laura Nowlin
Contents
Chapter 29
Overview
Stargazing with friends leads Autumn to argue that life’s purpose is to experience beauty, even when it is sad. Jamie rejects sadness as beautiful and calls literary suicide cowardly, drawing a hard line between books and reality. Despite the philosophical clash, Autumn and Jamie reaffirm a grounded, "real-life" love, leaving Autumn thoughtful but committed.
Summary
Autumn and her friends lie in Brooke’s backyard, stargazing in a companionable silence. When Angie asks the meaning of life, answers range from happiness and doing good to love and humor. Autumn concludes they are meant to experience as much beauty as possible, including beauty found in sadness, which Jamie resists.
On the drive home, Autumn presses Jamie on whether sad things can be beautiful. Jamie dismisses the idea, teasingly calling Autumn weird, and insists death is only bad. Their disagreement sharpens when Autumn cites Romeo and Juliet as beautifully sad, while Jamie argues that in real life such choices are stupid and cowardly.
Jamie asks if Autumn would kill herself if he died; she admits she would not, though she would grieve deeply. That admission supports Jamie’s divide between stories and reality. Concluding the talk, Jamie affirms he loves Autumn in the way people love in real life, and Autumn echoes him, choosing the steadier, practical love even as she silently measures it against her yearning for beauty and possibility.
Who Appears
- AutumnNarrator; argues life’s purpose is beauty, even in sadness; debates Jamie and ultimately affirms a practical love.
- JamieAutumn’s boyfriend; equates purpose with happiness, rejects sadness-as-beauty, calls suicide cowardly; reasserts ‘real-life’ love.
- BrookeHost of the stargazing gathering; suggests life’s purpose is to truly love someone.
- AngieFriend who prompts the meaning-of-life discussion and expects jokes, not seriousness.
- NoahFriend who suggests doing good as life’s purpose; engages briefly in the debate.
- AlexFriend who jokes about orgasms, lightening the conversation’s tone.
- SashaFriend who reacts to Alex’s joke and acknowledges Jamie’s viewpoint.