If He Had Been with Me
by Laura Nowlin
Contents
Chapter 81
Overview
Finny finishes Autumn’s novel and confronts her about their estrangement, prompting a raw conversation that clears years of misunderstanding. They confess long-held love, make love for the first time, and define their relationship. By dawn, they decide to be together, with Finny resolving to end things with Sylvie.
Summary
Finny reads Autumn’s novel late into the night while Autumn dozes in his room. Near dawn, Finny wakes Autumn and asks why she “left” him after they turned thirteen, forcing them to revisit the moment their friendship fractured.
They argue gently over responsibility: Autumn claims they drifted; Finny insists it was more deliberate. Autumn apologizes for being selfish, then blames her fear after Finny’s unexpected kiss years ago. Tension softens as both admit confusion and hurt. When Finny asks what would happen if he kissed her now, Autumn welcomes it, and they begin kissing.
The intimacy deepens; Autumn asks him to continue despite lacking protection. They make love tenderly. Afterward, Autumn says she loves Finny. This opens a flood of revelations: Finny believed Autumn always knew he’d loved her since grade school; Autumn admits she never realized, thought his kiss was “experimenting,” and pursued popularity to escape being the “weird girl.”
They trade histories: Finny explains how chasing cheerleaders and dating Sylvie began as a misguided attempt to be close to Autumn, though he cared for Sylvie differently. Autumn confesses she has likely loved him “forever,” recognizing it two years ago. Holding each other, they agree it’s “you and me now,” effectively becoming a couple. Finny promises to break up with Sylvie today as morning light fills the room.
Who Appears
- AutumnProtagonist; shares her novel, confronts past hurts, confesses love to Finny, and initiates their first time together.
- Finny (Phineas Smith)Reads Autumn’s novel, challenges their history, reveals long-held love, makes love with Autumn, and commits to ending things with Sylvie.
- SylvieFinny’s current girlfriend; absent but central as the relationship Finny resolves to end.