Chapter 5

In early November, Autumn lies with her boyfriend Jamie, who wants to take their physical relationship further. Autumn says she isn’t ready. Jamie has recently said he loves her, and Autumn wonders if that confession was meant to move things along. They reflect on their misfit group’s cultivated oddness and Jamie criticizes her house and room as too perfect.

While they are alone at Autumn’s house, the back door slams. Expecting her parents, Autumn instead finds Finny in the kitchen, casually borrowing eggs through the unlocked back door. Jamie lingers in the hall and witnesses the awkward, polite exchange, surprised by Finny’s easy familiarity and presence.

Back upstairs, Jamie calls the situation weird, implying Autumn seems meant for the popular world represented by Finny. Autumn denies it but silently replays recent moments connecting her to Finny—rides after soccer, cheerleaders’ questions, their first-day bus seat—and recognizes they could have ended up together. She imagines that if they had, Finny would have confessed love but not pushed for sex yet.

As Jamie resumes making advances, Autumn, seeking certainty and belonging, chooses her present path. She tells Jamie, “I love you,” aligning herself with him despite her unresolved feelings about Finny.