If He Had Been with Me
by Laura Nowlin
Contents
Chapter 45
Overview
Autumn visits the library with Jamie, choosing a book to endure an upcoming campus visit she’ll take with Finny, her mother, and Aunt Angelina. She continues therapy and recalls her mother’s tearful drive. Autumn and Jamie confirm diverging college plans—she pursues creative writing, he applies elsewhere—while reaffirming their long-term commitment.
Summary
Autumn browses the library’s new acquisitions, reflecting on how books let her live other lives. With her mother home again and the Fourth of July approaching, she anticipates a campus visit in two days with her mother, Aunt Angelina, Finny, and herself. She needs a book to buffer four hours beside Finny.
Autumn recalls her recent appointment with Dr. Singh, who renews her medication, and her fantasy of a home built from books. On the drive back, she asks her mother if hospitalization might be necessary, prompting her mother to cry silently while driving. Autumn apologizes; her mother apologizes for something deeper, and Autumn decides it isn’t her mother’s fault.
Back at the library rack, Autumn considers haiku and then The Bell Jar despite her hesitation. Jamie arrives; they plan a movie and dinner, and his presence sparks a small, steady warmth in her. He compliments her, and they exchange light affection.
Outside in the heat, Autumn urges Jamie to consider her prospective university, but Jamie insists they will make long distance work, promising nightly calls. Autumn confirms she must attend the affordable school with a creative writing program, despite Jamie’s wish she pursue education. She concludes that while Jamie may not understand her need to write, his acceptance feels like enough.
Who Appears
- AutumnNarrator; seeks escape in books, continues therapy, recalls mother’s tears, plans campus visit with Finny, commits to majoring in creative writing.
- JamieBoyfriend; meets Autumn at the library, plans a date, rejects her school choice but promises long-distance commitment and future marriage.
- Autumn’s motherRecently home; drives Autumn from therapy and cries when asked about hospitalization; plans to join the campus visit.
- Dr. SinghTherapist; listens, nods, and refills Autumn’s prescription during her latest appointment.