If He Had Been with Me
by Laura Nowlin
Contents
Chapter 88
Overview
Autumn weighs a possible pregnancy against her recent suicidal intent and realizes Finny would not approve of her trying again. She imagines practical support from The Mothers, a path to work and school, and writing slowly. Guided by memories of Finny’s gentleness with babies, she chooses life and likely keeping the child.
Summary
Autumn considers the possibility that she is pregnant and immediately concludes Finny would not approve of her attempting suicide again. She pictures his familiar disapproving frown and raised eyebrows, a moral anchor she cannot argue past.
She measures her options against real examples—people do this, Aunt Angelina did—and sketches a workable plan: stay with The Mothers at first, wait tables to save money, attend college a few classes at a time, and continue writing at night.
Accepting that a baby would not bring Finny back, Autumn still finds comfort in the memory of Finny tenderly holding Angie’s newborn. That image tips her decision: honoring who Finny was, she resolves to choose life and, if pregnant, keep the child.
Who Appears
- AutumnNarrator; suspects pregnancy, rejects another suicide attempt, plans practical support and a slower future, chooses life.
- FinnyDeceased beloved; appears in Autumn’s thoughts as a moral compass, guiding her away from self-harm toward keeping the baby.
- The MothersSupportive group Autumn considers living with as she plans work, school, and parenting.
- Aunt AngelinaExample of making it through single parenthood; her experience reassures Autumn’s plan.