If He Had Been with Me
by Laura Nowlin
Contents
Chapter 42
Overview
After the last day of school, Autumn and Jamie become intensely intimate but stop short of sex. Jamie asks to make love; Autumn cannot commit and negotiates a one-year wait until after graduation. The agreement underscores Autumn’s uncertainty about what she needs, keeping their relationship tender yet unresolved.
Summary
On the last day of school, Autumn and Jamie linger alone at his pool, escalating from kissing to near sex. Physical discomfort and hesitation interrupt them, and they move inside to Jamie’s room, still charged with desire.
In bed, Jamie directly says he wants to make love. Autumn cannot say yes or no, sensing that sex right now would be the wrong kind of step for her, even though the desire is there. She struggles to explain why it feels impossible.
When Jamie asks what would make it right, Autumn guesses she needs time. Pressed to define it, she says a year. Jamie accepts, framing it as after graduation. They seal the agreement with a kiss.
They return to kissing, nearly crossing the line into sex but stopping short. Autumn focuses on the sensation, recognizing that what they share is almost sex and almost right, while her deeper uncertainty remains unresolved.
Who Appears
- AutumnNarrator; becomes intensely intimate with Jamie but cannot consent to sex, asks to wait one year.
- JamieAutumn’s boyfriend; asks to make love, accepts a one-year wait until after graduation.