If He Had Been with Me
by Laura Nowlin
Contents
Chapter 36
Overview
Autumn spends a dreamy day reading Wuthering Heights, then chooses emotional safety with Jamie over her buried love for Finny. Jamie’s playful gifts and affection reaffirm their relationship, while Autumn privately acknowledges her lingering distance, resolving to keep Jamie and suppress her feelings for Finny.
Summary
Autumn spends the day absorbed in Wuthering Heights, drifting between reading and uneasy dreams, and deciding that Cathy is not a monster. Jamie calls to say he has a present and that he went to a movie with Sasha. Autumn, still groggy and disoriented, prepares to see him.
Outside on the back steps, Autumn watches late roses in a chilly autumn breeze and reflects on her feelings. She tells herself she still loves Jamie, while imagining her love for Finny as a cherished but stillborn secret she will keep buried forever.
Jamie arrives, playful and affectionate. He gives her small gumball-machine gifts: a plastic egg with a rubber dinosaur, a pink bouncy ball, and a wire ring with a big purple stone, saying he spent all his quarters. The gesture convinces Autumn she cannot lose Jamie, and she promises to treasure the ring.
Jamie kisses Autumn and talks about the movie. Autumn leans on his shoulder, outwardly present but inwardly distant, her mind far away even as she chooses to stay with him.
Who Appears
- AutumnNarrator; spends the day reading, reflects on love, chooses to stay with Jamie while burying feelings for Finny.
- JamieAutumn’s boyfriend; visits after a movie with Sasha and brings playful trinket gifts, reaffirming their bond.
- SashaFriend who sees an action movie with Jamie earlier that day; mentioned in Jamie’s call.