If He Had Been with Me
by Laura Nowlin
Contents
Chapter 15
Overview
Autumn and Jamie deepen their physical intimacy during a rainy afternoon, but clash over having sex. Autumn insists on a perfect first time, revealing her idealism and anxiety, while Jamie grows frustrated. The moment tests their relationship expectations, ending with reassurance as Jamie vows not to leave and they exchange love.
Summary
Autumn lies with Jamie, damp from the rain, his hand under her bikini top as they hold each other. She feels unusually satisfied and comforted by Jamie’s presence and smell, relaxing into the moment.
Jamie says he loves her, and Autumn imagines a perfect future with him. When Jamie expresses desire to have sex, Autumn says she wants him too but not yet. Pressed for why, she insists it must be “absolutely perfect,” contrasting her fantasies with the reality of Jamie’s messy room.
Jamie argues that their being together should be enough and asks what she is waiting for. Autumn repeats that she is waiting for it to feel right, unable to give a timeline. Jamie grows frustrated, his tone hardening, which heightens Autumn’s anxiety.
Fearing abandonment, Autumn asks if Jamie will leave her. Jamie quickly embraces her and vows he will “never, ever, never” leave. Reassured, Autumn finally says she loves him too, and the tension eases, though their differing expectations about sex remain unresolved.
Who Appears
- AutumnNarrator; enjoys intimate closeness but refuses sex, insisting on a perfect first time; fears abandonment yet affirms love.
- JamieAutumn’s boyfriend; expresses love and desire, frustrated by delay over sex, then reassures her he will never leave.