Cover of A Parade of Horribles

A Parade of Horribles

by Matt Dinniman


Genre
Fantasy, Science Fiction, Horror, Humor and Comedy
Year
2026
Pages
705
Contents

Chapter 97

Overview

Eris nearly gets Carl killed by scrambling every nearby crawler’s inventory at the exact moment Scolopendra is about to attack, but Carl improvises and destroys the supposed final boss with a hastily combined item. Eris then freezes time to warn Carl that the coming Ascendency matters far more than the parade and hints that Carl himself is tied to chaos in a larger way. After she leaves, Taranis spares Carl and Donut because Penelope intervenes, then departs with Samantha and Krakaren, shifting the conflict toward whatever comes next.

Summary

Eris’s arrival triggers a random chaos effect that swaps Carl’s inventory with the nearest crawler’s, leaving him with Donut’s disorganized collection of hats and junk just as Scolopendra prepares another arena-wide attack. While other crawlers also panic over the sudden inventory mix-up, Carl realizes he still has access to the hotlist and urgently directs Donut to search his stolen inventory for the right items.

With only seconds left before Scolopendra fires again, Donut finds the needed pet biscuit, combines it with Carl’s banger sphere, and drops it into Carl’s xistera. Carl crashes the motorcycle on purpose, launches himself, and throws the combined item straight into Scolopendra’s mouth. The final dungeon boss immediately collapses into a giant trembling puddle of goo, ending the immediate threat.

Before Carl can recover, time freezes again and Eris appears in a massive, monstrous form with Uzi Jesus beside her. She ignores Taranis’s demands to unfreeze the scene and instead warns Carl that much larger stakes are approaching with the Ascendency. Eris says the AI is running out of ways to interfere, calls Carl “chaos incarnate,” and leaves him cryptic advice about doors, exits, and a coin whose fifth side must be determined by the end of the twelfth floor.

Once Eris departs, inventories are restored, though their organization is ruined. Taranis immediately appears over Carl holding Penelope, catches a strike from Krakaren without looking, and reveals that Penelope asked him to spare Carl and Donut. Penelope privately tells Carl that she broke up with Taranis after learning he lied and was married. Taranis orders Khepri away, says he intends to take two pieces of his mother, and then disappears after Samantha whispers to him, carrying Samantha and Krakaren with him and leaving the confrontation abruptly ended.

Who Appears

  • Carl
    Improvises through Eris’s inventory swap and destroys Scolopendra with a last-second combined item.
  • Eris
    Chaos goddess who swaps inventories, freezes time, warns Carl about the Ascendency, and speaks in riddling hints.
  • Donut
    Handles Carl’s scrambled inventory long enough to find the biscuit that helps kill Scolopendra.
  • Taranis
    Thunder god taunted by Eris, then spares Carl and Donut because Penelope asks him to.
  • Scolopendra
    Final dungeon boss reduced to a giant puddle of goo after swallowing Carl’s thrown item.
  • Penelope
    Returned by Taranis; says they broke up and pleads for Carl and Donut’s lives.
  • Samantha
    Messages Carl, then whispers to Taranis and is taken away when he leaves.
  • Uzi Jesus
    Appears during Eris’s time stop, comments on the auras inside Scolopendra, and watches the exchange.
  • Khepri
    Objects to Taranis sparing Carl and Donut but is ordered to leave the realm.
  • Krakaren
    Strikes at Taranis from the stands and is later taken away with him.
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