Cover of A Parade of Horribles

A Parade of Horribles

by Matt Dinniman


Genre
Fantasy, Science Fiction, Horror, Humor and Comedy
Year
2026
Pages
705
Contents

Chapter 55

Overview

Carl abandons the failing casino strategy and commits his group to a far riskier cleaner-bot plan tied to Herot and the hidden Pineapple Cabaret. The chapter reframes the cleaner-bot shortage as part of a secret route that might save Li Na from her poison, spare Zhang from suicide, and possibly offer an escape path to Earth. Despite major unknowns, Carl decides they must approach Li Na immediately and test the idea before expanding it to other crawlers.

Summary

At the Lollipop, Carl learns from Splash Zone that the croupier running the casino option is violent and that the games have been altered, making the plan look even worse. Splash Zone also reveals that Dong has apparently been sent toward the bar under false pretenses, which alarms Carl because they had wanted Dong kept away from Porky. As Carl watches the room, Dwight the unicorn arrives drunk, shoves Prepotente, and nearly starts a fight before Imani intervenes.

While that tension unfolds, Splash Zone tells Carl that he, Gluteus, and Doctor Bones are going to meet Hamed in hopes of finding Splash Zone's wife. Then Mordecai reports that a crucial test has worked, though Samantha's unusual condition made the first result unreliable, and Rosetta warns that important parts of the larger scheme still cannot be tested. Carl answers that the group cannot force Li Na into anything, but he believes she may accept the risk if they explain that the plan could keep her and Zhang alive, stop her from killing more crawlers, and test Herot's theory.

Once Prepotente is pulled back to the table, Carl tells the others, "It’s a go," and the group reacts with visible relief. The decision matters because they have lacked any workable alternative, and even a dangerous, uncertain option is better than waiting for Li Na's poison to kill her or for Zhang to sacrifice himself. Carl accepts that the idea is far outside normal dungeon rules, but he is willing to gamble on it.

Carl then reflects on how the plan came together. Crawlers had noticed that cleaner bots had vanished from the personal-space shop, and the group had assumed faction leaders were buying them out, but the real reason is that Herot has a standing order to purchase every cleaner bot that appears. Menerva is on the seventeenth floor managing NPCs in the hidden Backstage Death Maze, while Herot is trapped inside the Pineapple Cabaret, a secret refuge dimension for NPCs where he still has limited control and access to a shop interface.

Akuma's information suggests the Pineapple Cabaret is now overrun by threats including the Ogre Imperium and shadow mimics, and the war mages want crawler help clearing it out. Because the casino approach now appears to have failed, Carl's group commits to the cleaner-bot plan instead. Mordecai and Rosetta believe it may be feasible if Akuma told the truth about Herot.

The urgency centers on Li Na. Her Left to Fester poison is killing her, and moving to the next floor would only worsen the problem because her health would refill while the debuff remained. If Li Na can be moved into the Pineapple Cabaret, that progression would stop, and there may even be an exit from the Cabaret to Earth's surface that could cure her completely. Carl decides they must ask Li Na immediately, before the next race begins, so they can test whether the idea works before attempting to move several crawlers after the fifth heat.

Who Appears

  • Carl
    Decides to abandon the casino option and push the risky Pineapple Cabaret plan for Li Na.
  • Mordecai
    Reports that a key test worked, though he warns the larger plan remains uncertain.
  • Rosetta
    Helps develop the cleaner-bot strategy and cautions that major parts still cannot be tested.
  • Li Na
    Dying from Left to Fester poison; the group hopes to persuade her to try the Cabaret escape.
  • Splash Zone
    Warns Carl the casino setup is hostile, reports Dong heading over, and goes to meet Hamed.
  • Herot
    Hidden NPC ally in the Pineapple Cabaret whose standing cleaner-bot purchases make the plan possible.
  • Prepotente
    Gets shoved by the drunken unicorn and nearly starts a fight before being restrained.
  • Dwight the unicorn
    Arrives drunk at the bar, shoves Prepotente, and causes a disruptive scene.
  • Imani
    Steps in quickly to separate Prepotente from Dwight and calm the situation.
  • Zhang
    His planned suicide may be unnecessary if Li Na can be saved through Carl's new plan.
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