Cover of A Parade of Horribles

A Parade of Horribles

by Matt Dinniman


Genre
Fantasy, Science Fiction, Horror, Humor and Comedy
Year
2026
Pages
705
Contents

Chapter 67

Overview

After finishing last, Carl’s team absorbs Dong Quixote’s death and learns just how few racers survived the heat. The next two races are announced as a punishing back-to-back run through a shrunken apartment-building track, raising the pressure on Carl’s already desperate plans.

The chapter’s biggest shift comes from the quest reward: the dungeon AI grants Carl a valuable floor-eleven option but also warns that the Pineapple Cabaret escape may be dangerously deceptive. That warning lands at the exact moment Li Na’s signal says the Cabaret is safe, turning a hopeful development into a new source of doubt.

Summary

Carl, Donut, Grigori, and the others limp across the finish line exhausted and realize they have come in last place despite completing their quest. Carl is stunned by Dong Quixote’s death, and Donut openly grieves for him. Grigori tries to comfort Donut by saying Dong believed death was only a passage onward, but Donut answers that the loss is still terrible for those left behind.

As the teams check in through chat, the scale of the disaster becomes clear. Prepotente says his team may be the only survivors from their heat, Louis reports heavy casualties and a useful new engineer, and Florin says his team finished first. Osvaldo then explains how the unicorn won: he bypassed the factory by riding up the outside wall, crossing over the roof, and dropping to the finish, which leaves Donut furious.

Dr. Metcalf reveals the rules for the next stage. Heats 6 and 7 will run back-to-back on the same track, with only a two-hour pit stop between them and no safe room access once Heat 6 begins. The racers will be shrunk to race through a seven-floor apartment building, moving from the top floor to the bottom in Heat 6 and then back again in Heat 7. Carl studies the numbers and realizes the field has been devastated, making his larger rescue plan feel even more urgent.

Back at garage four, Carl thinks about the cleaner bots and the Pineapple Cabaret escape route while Hedy waits for them. He then opens the reward for completing the quest and receives an unsettling message from the dungeon AI. The AI praises the success, grants Carl the ability to choose two beings within its sphere of influence to bring into the floor eleven arena, and warns him to beware exits that seem too good to be true, especially in connection with the Cabaret, Eris, and the Scavenger’s Daughter. Immediately after, Mordecai reports that a flower has bloomed on the cactus, confirming Li Na reached the Pineapple Cabaret and that it is supposedly safe, which makes the AI’s warning even more ominous.

Who Appears

  • Carl
    Processes Dong’s death, reviews the next heats, and receives the quest reward and warning.
  • Donut
    Mourns Dong, rages over the unicorn’s shortcut, and reacts to the new race rules.
  • Dong Quixote
    Dead by the chapter’s start; his sacrifice and loss weigh heavily on the survivors.
  • Mordecai
    Sends the cactus-flower code confirming Li Na reached the Pineapple Cabaret safely.
  • Grigori
    Survives the race and tries to comfort Donut with his beliefs about death.
  • Prepotente
    Checks in after the heat and notes that his team may be the only survivors.
  • Osvaldo
    Explains that the unicorn won by bypassing the factory from the outside.
  • Dr. Metcalf
    Provides the rules and layout for the linked sixth and seventh heats.
  • Li Na
    Her successful signal indicates the Pineapple Cabaret is supposedly safe to use.
  • Hedy
    Waits at garage four as the team returns from the race.
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