Cover of A Parade of Horribles

A Parade of Horribles

by Matt Dinniman


Genre
Fantasy, Science Fiction, Horror, Humor and Comedy
Year
2026
Pages
705
Contents

Chapter 47

Overview

At the shared pit stop, Zev reveals that each heat will be randomly reassigned to a new track, reshuffling the race’s alliances, routes, and quest paths for the second half. Carl’s team is sent from the jungle to Satan’s Water Park and learns it is badly behind Team Sparkles, raising the pressure to catch up fast. At the same time, Carl’s earlier sabotage pays off when his traps kill two Tigrans and eliminate Team One Fine Pig, giving him momentum as he plans with Florin to win the key he needs to reach Penelope.

Summary

At the pit stop, Carl’s group deals with a foul protective substance the racers nickname splooge. Louis brings Carl a bucket of it, Prepotente explains that drinking a small amount grants about thirty minutes of environmental protection, and Donut refuses to go near it because of the smell. The scene also shows that several different race themes feed into the same pit stop area, with other teams reporting tracks like Satan’s Water Park, devil cliffs, an eternal slum, Candy Land, and a giant mall.

Zev then announces the race’s next twist. Each track contains four separate heats, and after the pit stop every heat will be randomly reassigned to one of the available tracks, meaning the second half of the race may take place in a completely different environment. Zev also explains that any unfinished quest objectives will carry over because each track contains mirrored versions of the same quest structure.

The reassignment results begin to arrive. Florin and Lucia are moved from the desert to Satan’s Water Park, Chris stays in the desert, and Prepotente is moved from the water park to the jungle. Soon after, Carl’s own heat is reassigned from the jungle to Satan’s Water Park, but Carl realizes his team is almost an hour behind the leading team in their heat, Team Sparkles, which puts them at a major disadvantage.

Before Carl can fully react, he receives notifications confirming that the traps he secretly planted on the Tigrans’ truck earlier have activated. The sabotage kills two Tigrans and eliminates Team One Fine Pig from the race. Carl waits to see whether Penelope is also reported dead and is relieved when no such message appears. Because Carl still needs a key in order to reach Penelope, he tells Florin they have to win their heat and offers an explanation about the pig he is trying to reach; Florin agrees to help slow any rival team, and Carl starts telling him about Dwight the unicorn.

Who Appears

  • Carl
    Learns his sabotage killed two Tigrans, is reassigned to the water park, and focuses on winning a key to reach Penelope.
  • Donut
    Disgusted by the protective secretions and worried the track shuffle will separate allied teams.
  • Florin
    Moved to Satan’s Water Park and offers to help Carl slow any rival team he needs beaten.
  • Prepotente
    Praises the secretions’ protective value and reports that his own route shifts from the water park to the jungle.
  • Louis
    Buys and carries the foul-smelling bucket of secretions for Carl, joking about how awful it is.
  • Zev
    Announces the random mid-race track shuffle and explains that mirrored quest objectives will transfer between tracks.
  • Chris
    Reports that his team stays on the desert track and is still doing well with its upgraded rig.
  • Elle
    Learns her team is moving to the slums and asks Carl what new notification he received.
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