Cover of A Parade of Horribles

A Parade of Horribles

by Matt Dinniman


Genre
Fantasy, Science Fiction, Horror, Humor and Comedy
Year
2026
Pages
705
Contents

Chapter 89

Overview

A mysterious broadcast interrupts the safe room and forces everyone to watch a countdown to the parade, confirming that floor eleven’s spectacle is about to begin and that the crawlers will have little control over it. As Carl and Donut scramble to prepare, Donut gains a powerful future spell that can suppress class abilities on floor twelve, while Carl equips a risky defensive patch and the team continues adapting to Mordecai’s awkward new spirit form. The chapter shifts the focus from recovery to urgent preparation for a public, mandatory event.

Summary

Carl and Donut enter the safe room and find the mercenaries gathered around a screen showing an unexplained maplike image. Rosetta guesses it is a visual representation of a tunnel node and its communication pinholes, and Zev confirms the feed is appearing on nearly every screen. The image then shifts to Earth, zooms toward the Pacific near the Juan de Fuca Ridge, and finally settles on a yellow-brick road stretching through a grassy plain. A countdown appears with the message that the parade will begin soon and that viewing is mandatory, giving the group seventy-five minutes to prepare.

While the group reacts, Donut checks the mailbox and examines a new spell book. Carl reads the spell, Tome of Gatekeeper, and learns it is an advance reader copy that cannot be used until floor twelve. When it becomes active, it can temporarily strip a target of class-based skills and abilities, including much of a deity’s worshipper-linked magic. Carl asks Mordecai what an OI entity is, but Mordecai does not know.

The conversation also reveals that Mordecai is currently inhabiting the table, which unsettles both Donut and Mordecai because he can hear them but cannot properly respond unless he moves into something with a mouth. Carl notes that there is little time left and starts thinking about equipment instead of opening his own mediocre reward boxes. Donut complains that she gained no levels on the previous floor, opens her own boxes, and mentions a legendary box she earned for spotting the shadow mimic before it revealed itself. Carl tells Donut not to install anything yet and to focus on preparing for the parade.

Carl lays out a patch, gun, sewing kit, and holster, then asks Mordecai whether he finished making the carrier backpack. Mordecai says the backpack is done and waiting on Carl’s crafting table. Carl begins sewing a four-leaf-clover patch onto his jacket, gaining the Lucky Shot benefit, which can redirect one fatal blow each floor into a party member. Donut then discovers an upgrade for Mongo’s saddle called Legendary Steed, which allows a cart to be added without slowing Mongo or reducing his jumping ability. When Jurgen announces that the flowers have finished blooming, Donut abruptly redirects everyone to the garage to help decorate for the coming parade.

Who Appears

  • Carl
    Assesses the mysterious broadcast, reviews Donut’s spell, and equips new gear before the parade.
  • Donut
    Receives new items, including Gatekeeper and a Mongo saddle upgrade, and pushes everyone to decorate.
  • Mordecai
    Currently inhabits the table, answers questions awkwardly, and finishes Carl’s carrier backpack.
  • Samantha
    Watches the broadcast, laments losing her dog, and comments from atop Mordecai’s table form.
  • Rosetta
    Interprets the strange screen image as a tunnel node with communication pinholes.
  • Tipid
    Reports that the unexplained map display started without any warning.
  • Jurgen
    Delivers word that the flowers have finished blooming, triggering decoration preparations.
  • Zev
    Confirms the strange broadcast is appearing on screens almost everywhere.
  • Jamal
    Carries Samantha and helps her move around the safe room.
  • Mongo
    Offstage mount whose saddle receives an upgrade that can support a cart.
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