Cover of A Parade of Horribles

A Parade of Horribles

by Matt Dinniman


Genre
Fantasy, Science Fiction, Horror, Humor and Comedy
Year
2026
Pages
705
Contents

Chapter 57

Overview

Dwight’s attack on the DJ turns the bar into a riot just as Carl and Donut begin their duet, forcing them to perform through flying bottles, team fights, and a spreading fire. Despite the chaos, Carl and Donut nearly pull it off, and Carl’s performance earns him permanent access to the Stage Performance Guild plus a new way to detect nearby hidden guilds.

The chapter matters because Carl secures a useful new guild advantage at a moment when resources are collapsing, but Donut fails the entrance after being disrupted at the end. The glowing secret door signals the next step in Carl’s plan, while the brawl underscores how fragile survival is when every death can alter future heats.

Summary

As soon as Dwight gores the DJ, the bar erupts into a full brawl. Some of the crowd keeps cheering, but others start attacking each other, and Carl realizes he and Donut have no choice but to keep singing because this is their only chance to complete the guild entrance. Dwight drunkenly blames them for Lucienne’s death, throws the dead gremlin, and accidentally triggers a wider fight between other teams and monsters.

Carl pushes through the performance while dodging thrown bottles and combatants rolling onto the stage. Dong Quixote charges in front of them and uses his oversized coin-filled sock to clear space, while Donut joins on the chorus with an Auto-Tuned but accurate vocal and uses a magic missile to stop an attacker from killing Dong. Their performance gauge surges all the way into the green, and even fighters in the room pause in surprise at how well they are doing.

As the song continues, Mongo finally recognizes the danger and leaps into the melee, knocking people around and creating more chaos. Imani knocks Dwight unconscious and, with Louis, Britney, and Bautista, helps protect him and others because every death in the bar would worsen the coming heat by forcing more crawler-on-crawler matchups. Donut uses Ice Slick to disrupt part of the fight, while Prepotente ignores the chaos and rummages behind the bar.

The situation gets worse when a stray fireball hits the stage curtains and sets them ablaze. Carl has to jump off the stage mid-song to avoid the flames while still keeping the performance going, and Mongo stops the fire-throwing fairy by snatching her out of the air. At the same time, Dong’s damaged sock bursts open, scattering nickels across the dance floor and drawing even more people into the conflict as they dive for the money.

Near the end of the song, Carl sustains the last high note while digital fireworks from the successful performance mix with the real fire spreading across the ceiling. Donut is about to finish her final line when the paralyzed kappa Dekoki falls backward into her, interrupting her delivery. The music system dies in sparks, but Carl still receives permanent access to the Stage Performance Guild and a new ability that reveals nearby hidden guilds on his map.

Afterward, the secret side door begins glowing, confirming Carl’s success. Donut, however, has a FAILED sign over her head, meaning she did not pass the entrance test. Embarrassed and dripping with beer while Mongo licks it off her, Donut insists they will never speak of this again, though she admits she loves the song.

Who Appears

  • Carl
    Sings through the riot, protects the performance, and gains permanent access to the Stage Performance Guild.
  • Donut
    Performs the duet, helps fend off attackers with magic, but is interrupted at the end and fails.
  • Dwight
    Drunken unicorn who kills the DJ, starts the brawl, and is later knocked unconscious by Imani.
  • Mongo
    Jumps into the fight, scatters combatants, and stops the fireball-throwing fairy.
  • Dong Quixote
    Clears space in front of the stage with his giant sock and protects the singers.
  • Imani
    Knocks Dwight out and tries to keep the bar fight from turning into fatal team losses.
  • Louis
    Helps protect unconscious Dwight and later works to put out the fire.
  • Britney
    Joins Louis in containing the fire and helps guard Dwight.
  • Bautista
    Assists in protecting the unconscious Dwight during the melee.
  • Prepotente
    Ignores the brawl and rummages behind the unattended bar.
  • Dekoki
    Paralyzed kappa who falls into Donut and ruins her final line.
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