Cover of A Parade of Horribles

A Parade of Horribles

by Matt Dinniman


Genre
Fantasy, Science Fiction, Horror, Humor and Comedy
Year
2026
Pages
705
Contents

Chapter 56

Overview

As Elle, Zhang, and Tran leave to relay the new plan to Li Na, Carl and Donut commit to the Pineapple Cabaret gambit by preparing a magically boosted duet of Take on Me to gain entry to Porky’s guild. The scene turns from tense comedy to sudden chaos when Dwight the unicorn gores the DJ the moment the song begins, putting Carl and Donut’s infiltration attempt in immediate jeopardy.

Summary

Elle, Zhang, and Tran step away from the table after settling on a revised plan. Zhang puts his target cape back on and regains a sense of purpose as the three prepare to return to the safe room and try to contact Li Na. Before leaving, Elle catches Linus behaving creepily toward Donut after the mercenary ownership transfer to Carl and Donut’s guild, and Elle decides to take Linus with them rather than leave him behind.

With that side of the plan moving, Carl and Donut focus on their own risky objective at the Pineapple Cabaret. They are preparing to use a karaoke-style guild entrance song to get into Porky’s guild, and they stack every advantage they have: Mordecai’s compounded singing potions, Donut’s headset with maximum Auto-Tune, and a scroll that lets Carl reach the required high register. Carl is uneasy because he has never really sung before, but the pair deliberately choose a two-singer song where Donut’s short part gives them a better chance that at least one of them will succeed.

Donut summons Mongo into the room so he can watch the performance, alarming nearby patrons but lifting the mood for the group. Imani warmly encourages Carl, even though Carl cannot explain the full importance of the attempt. When the DJ announces that Carl and Donut will sing A-ha’s Take on Me, more allies and onlookers crowd into the bar, turning the performance into a public event and increasing the pressure on Carl.

Carl activates the Gelded Choirboy scroll at the last possible moment and is startled by the transformed sound of his own voice. Donut reassures Carl, the music starts, and the crowd begins cheering as their performance gauges appear. But just as Carl is about to begin the song in earnest, Dwight the unicorn suddenly lunges and stabs the DJ in the face with his horn, violently interrupting the plan before the performance can truly begin.

Who Appears

  • Carl
    Prepares to sing a magically boosted duet to infiltrate Porky’s guild; the attempt is abruptly interrupted.
  • Princess Donut
    Coordinates the performance, reassures Carl, uses Auto-Tune, and brings Mongo out to watch.
  • Elle
    Leaves with Zhang and Tran to contact Li Na and shuts down Linus’s creepy behavior.
  • Dwight
    Unicorn who suddenly stabs the DJ in the face just as the song begins.
  • Zhang
    Pulls himself together and heads with Elle and Tran to relay the new plan to Li Na.
  • Tran
    Accompanies Elle and Zhang back to the safe room to help contact Li Na.
  • Linus
    Creepy tourist alien who harasses Donut until Elle decides to take him away.
  • Imani
    Encourages Carl before the performance and shares the group’s anticipation.
  • Mongo
    Summoned by Donut to watch Carl’s debut and screeches encouragement from the crowd.
  • Gremlin DJ
    Introduces Carl and Donut’s song and is immediately attacked by Dwight.
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