A Parade of Horribles
by Matt Dinniman
Contents
Chapter 50
Overview
Carl and Donut turn the River of Sloth into a massacre, using bumper magic, ice, chained weapons, and summoned rodents to wipe out the gingers and kill Maurice. The quest is completed, but their overkill destroys the engineer reward and shows how brutally efficient they have become under race pressure. As they approach the finish, Satan topples the giant loop and throws the other racers into chaos, while Donut's rodent spell unexpectedly yanks Lucienne onto their truck at the finish line.
Summary
The driverless truck clears the hidden basement trapdoor, but it immediately runs off an edge and slams to the ground, damaging two spider legs. Carl and Donut force Joel, the oversized undead camel, into the driver's seat so they can keep moving without Carl technically driving. While Florin reports that rival teams are bunched up near the loop, Carl and Donut aim for the River of Sloth and decide to clear it as fast as possible instead of hunting through the crowd for Maurice.
As messages from Imani and Louis confirm that different teams are facing different versions of Maurice, Carl uses Mehmet's page to cast Gutter Bumper and lay magical boundaries along the river. Donut immediately follows with Ice Slick, and the spell spreads through the entire waterway, freezing the river and trapping the gingers in place. Joel drives the truck over the dock and frozen raft onto the ice, and Carl drops the chained mass of spare weapons behind them, turning it into a dragging brush hog that slices through the immobilized gingers.
Knowing the chains will not hit everyone, Donut casts Summon Ye, Vermin. Zipper shrews pour in from every direction, drilling through the frozen river and any survivors left behind. When Donut spots Maurice trying to cast, the shrews tear through him before he can act, completing the Pasty Inferno quest. The AI announces that the engineer prize has been ruined because Carl and Donut's attack reduced everything nearby to gore. Joel then steers them off the river toward the finish while the summoned shrews keep throwing themselves against the truck's shield.
Near the exit, Carl starts cutting away the chains, but Satan suddenly gets bored and headbutts the giant loop, collapsing the structure across the track. Florin's tuk-tuk and Team Sparkles are knocked from the loop, the unicorn team lands and accelerates ahead, and the wreckage forces the trailing teams to reroute. Carl then realizes that Donut's rodent-summoning spell has pulled Lucienne, the rodent-like Team Sparkles driver, onto their hood. Poisoned by the air and desperate to get inside, Lucienne hammers at the windshield until the finish-line barrier shoves her through the glass and through the truck itself as Carl and Donut pass under the arch.
Who Appears
- CarlProtagonist; steadies Joel, uses Gutter Bumper and chained weapons, and leads the river-clearing attack.
- Princess DonutDirects Joel, casts Ice Slick and Summon Ye, Vermin, and accidentally summons Lucienne onto the truck.
- Joel the camelUndead camel driver who takes the wheel despite his size and steers them across the frozen river.
- FlorinCompeting ally in the tuk-tuk; attempts the loop, fires at rivals, and survives Satan's disruption.
- LucienneRodent-like Team Sparkles driver, poisoned by the air, magically drawn to Donut, and smashed through the windshield.
- SatanGiant park figure whose bored headbutt topples the loop and throws the race into chaos.
- MauriceBoss of the River of Sloth section; killed by summoned shrews before he can finish a spell.