Cover of A Parade of Horribles

A Parade of Horribles

by Matt Dinniman


Genre
Fantasy, Science Fiction, Horror, Humor and Comedy
Year
2026
Pages
705
Contents

Chapter 94

Overview

The AI halts the arena and reveals that Carl has pulled Scolopendra, the dungeon’s final boss, onto floor eleven alongside Krakaren Prime. The rules explanation makes the gamble even more dangerous: killing or abandoning Scolopendra will trigger all remaining attacks, and even victory would only begin a desperate rush to the eighteenth floor before the Ascendency collapses the dungeon. In response, Carl pivots to Plan C, turning newly sapient Penelope into bait while summoning Emberus and trying to force Taranis to appear.

Summary

The arena freezes as the dungeon AI calmly announces that Carl and twenty-two other crawlers have entered both a floor boss lair and the dungeon boss lair. Floating images identify the crawler side, including Penelope 3, and then reveal their enemies: Krakaren Prime, a level 235 floor boss, and Scolopendra, a level 500 dungeon boss. The AI mocks Carl’s choice, explains that Scolopendra has been summoned to the eleventh floor at Carl’s request, and makes clear that this is an unprecedented and nearly suicidal move.

The AI then lays out the consequences. Killing Scolopendra will not end the crawl; instead, it will stop level timers, prevent later floors from collapsing on their own, and immediately start the Ascendency battles, after which the dungeon will collapse twelve hours after a winner is crowned. Carl and the others would still have to reach and exit through the eighteenth floor. If Scolopendra dies or is simply abandoned on a collapsing floor, all of her remaining attacks will trigger at once, and the AI warns that attack two of nine will begin in one hundred seconds.

Realizing his original assumptions were correct and that the situation is even worse than expected, Carl switches to Plan C. Donut, Elle, and Florin immediately recognize the change in strategy as the team drives through the arena with shields up. Around them, ordinary mobs scatter in fear while the enormous centipede wraps itself around the massive tree, cracking it under its strength, and Krakaren Prime roars from above as green mist begins to fall.

As the chaos builds, Carl opens his deity messages and contacts Emberus, claiming that he knows who killed Emberus’s son and promising proof if Emberus meets him. Carl then goes to the truck, where he finds confusion inside and checks on Penelope. Because Carl fed Penelope the enriched party-companion biscuit, Penelope has become a sapient party member with chat access and will eventually need a safe room and a game guide. Carl reflects that making an ordinary pig sentient and then planning to use Penelope as bait feels morally worse to him than many of his earlier acts, but he decides survival leaves him no choice.

Carl puts on the modified harness meant to carry a quadruped and straps Penelope to his chest despite the weight and Penelope’s panic. He calms Penelope by pouring splooge down her throat and drinks some himself. Then Carl tells Emberus to meet him in Club Scolopendra, pulls out his father’s gun, presses it to Penelope’s head, and runs toward Scolopendra. With lightning crashing overhead, Carl shouts for Taranis to appear if Taranis wants Penelope spared, revealing that Plan C depends on forcing the gods into the confrontation.

Who Appears

  • Carl
    Chooses Scolopendra, learns the catastrophic rules, and launches Plan C using Penelope as bait.
  • Penelope 3
    Newly sapient pig party member; frightened, chatty, and unwillingly prepared as the centerpiece of Carl’s gambit.
  • Dungeon AI
    Calmly announces the boss battle and explains the devastating consequences of killing or abandoning Scolopendra.
  • Scolopendra
    Level 500 dungeon boss; a colossal centipede whose death or abandonment would unleash all remaining attacks.
  • Emberus
    God Carl lures into a meeting by claiming to know who killed Emberus’s son.
  • Krakaren Prime
    Level 235 floor boss above the tree, enraged as Scolopendra coils around and breaks it.
  • Donut
    Supports Carl’s abrupt switch to Plan C and calls it "Plan Carl."
  • Elle
    Quickly recognizes that Carl has moved to the risky fallback strategy.
  • Florin
    Remarks that Plan C is becoming reliable enough to deserve being the main plan.
  • Taranis
    God Carl tries to force into appearing by threatening to shoot Penelope.
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