A Parade of Horribles
by Matt Dinniman
Contents
Chapter 30
Overview
Carl and Donut have no time to process Harbinger's death before they must prepare for heat three. Carl adjusts his sabotage plan around a new ninety-second invulnerability rule, but their position becomes much more dangerous when he discovers their driver, Gluteus Maxx, is high on powerful stimulants.
The AI then makes the race even deadlier by flooding the course with migrating Sugar Hermits headed for a kaiju skull near the finish. The chapter raises the stakes by showing that survival now depends not just on enemy teams, but on chaos built directly into the track itself.
Summary
After the chaos outside the dungeon and the AI's killing of Harbinger, Carl and Donut are immediately sent back to the garage, still covered in gore. Nobody questions them, and after cleaning up, they return to preparations for heat three. Because Carl's kangaroo suit makes driving difficult, Gluteus Maxx takes the wheel, Donut rides in her new secured seat, Carl crouches between them, and the two ghouls remain caged in the back.
At the starting line, Carl studies the neighboring teams and prepares for indirect attacks. Since shields will likely block normal damage, Carl programs denial-of-service missiles to disable the Draconian gunner and weapon on One Fine Pig's APV rather than destroy the whole vehicle. When the AI announces a new rule giving every team a ninety-second invulnerability starting block shield, Carl realizes the change could still help if he times his missiles correctly, and he tells Chiyome their plan can remain in place.
While they wait, Donut shows off her new Smart Companion Royal Pet Throne, which she has named Dorota. The chair produces a cushioned bed when Donut sits, monitors her condition, flatters her constantly, and can feed her snacks, which delights Donut and annoys Dr. Metcalf. Carl also observes the course: a very steep, wide downhill road under a red sun, with the teams lined up in order from the previous race.
Carl's confidence drops when he realizes Gluteus Maxx is heavily drugged on stimulants Samantha found in scavenged gear. Gluteus claims the drugs let him "taste time," and Carl understands they have no practical way to replace him before the start. Before Carl can solve that problem, the ground begins to shake and the AI announces a new hazard: migrating female Sugar Hermits.
Thousands of the creatures roll down the track ahead of the racers. They appear as colorful skulls animated by tentacles, and one tries to tear the Draconian mercenary's head off before the active shield protects him. The AI explains that the Sugar Hermits eat brains and bones and are migrating toward the kaiju skull blocking the finish line, which means heat three is beginning with both an unreliable driver and a lethal swarm already covering the course.
Who Appears
- CarlProtagonist; prepares sabotage tactics for heat three and worries when his driver proves unreliable.
- DonutCarl's partner; rides in a new smart pet throne and readies herself for the next heat.
- Gluteus MaxxExcitable stripper chosen to drive; reveals he took powerful uppers just before the race.
- Dr. MetcalfCarl's sarcastic AI device; cannot identify the new shield and bickers with Donut's chair.
- DorotaDonut's flattering smart companion chair; pampers her, dispenses snacks, and annoys Dr. Metcalf.
- Draconian mercenaryOne Fine Pig gunner targeted by Carl's missiles; panics when a Sugar Hermit latches onto him.