Cover of A Parade of Horribles

A Parade of Horribles

by Matt Dinniman


Genre
Fantasy, Science Fiction, Horror, Humor and Comedy
Year
2026
Pages
705
Contents

Chapter 93

Overview

At the arena entrance, Carl sends Donut and others away and commits to a plan he clearly expects may kill him. He hijacks the Big Shot Chicken truck with the sluggalos, denounces the crawl as a murderous spectacle, and drives straight into the arena as the level collapse timer starts.

Inside, Carl sees the stand-ins being massacred and realizes the mobs themselves are also victims, shaped from the same Primal-derived consciousness as the AI and the horribles. Even with that revelation, he pushes forward into the endgame and makes his first decisive arena choice: Scolopendra.

Summary

Carl arrives at the arena entrance and sees the enormous white door and the towering tree inside, with a roaring presence he assumes is Krakaren Prime at the top. Knowing his next move may be fatal, Carl pulls Princess Donut aside, tells her to get to Elle and Imani, and finally says out loud that he loves her. Donut, terrified but resolute, says she loves him too and fears losing him just as much. Carl also orders Rend and Tipid to leave, but Tipid initially resists because he wants to help.

Carl needs the Big Shot Chicken truck for a reckless final push, and Bigs and the blood-soaked sluggalos take over driving after Tipid is forced out. Their chaos immediately exceeds Carl’s plan when they open the fryer and begin cooking despite the danger. With Carl still projected on the jumbotron and speaking through the microphone, he announces to the audience that he and the crawlers are done dying by arbitrary rules for entertainment. As the system warns that the level will collapse in forty-five minutes, the arena door begins to open.

Carl reveals the hidden magic missile launcher mounted on the truck roof and continues his speech, openly framing his action as a revolution against the spectators and the crawl itself. On Carl’s command, Bigs floors the truck. The vehicle crashes into the arena, sideswiping the door and nearly flipping before the Gyro upgrade saves it. Behind Carl, engines rev and mounts howl, showing that other parts of the plan are still poised to move.

Inside the arena, Carl finds exactly what he expected: a massive field crowded with monsters still teleporting in, many already attacking one another and slaughtering the remaining stand-ins. Carl watches masked participants die almost immediately, including an orc woman torn apart by panther-like mobs, which confirms how hopelessly outnumbered the stand-ins are. The system announces the arena rule that the entrances to the twelfth floor will open only after the floor boss dies and tells Carl he must make two choices for his stand-ins.

As the truck swerves through the blood-soaked field, Carl apologizes to Penelope for involving her, and her confused reply shows she has been pulled into something she barely understands. Carl then studies the silent bleachers, which are filled with avatar-like horribles, and he suddenly understands the deeper truth of the crawl: the mobs are not simple programs but altered fragments of the same Primal-derived collective intelligence that produced the system AI. This realization makes the monsters in the arena victims too, but Carl knows he cannot act on that insight yet. Focusing on the immediate endgame, he publicly makes his first choice: Scolopendra.

Who Appears

  • Carl
    Prepares a desperate endgame, rejects the crawl’s rules, enters the arena, and chooses Scolopendra.
  • Princess Donut
    Carl’s closest companion; frightened but supportive as Carl sends her away to safety.
  • Bigs
    Sluggalo driver who takes over the truck and barrels it into the arena.
  • Penelope
    Dragged into Carl’s plan and confused about her sudden ability to communicate through text.
  • Tipid
    Tries to stay and help drive, but Carl orders him away from the final push.
  • Rend
    Ordered to leave with Donut and Mongo instead of remaining for Carl’s risky plan.
  • Grigori
    Waits behind Carl near the arena entrance as the plan begins.
  • Chaco
    Now wingless, stands beside Grigori while the arena assault starts.
  • Mongo
    Carries Donut away from Carl as she retreats toward the RV.
  • Dr. Metcalf
    Complains from the truck while the sluggalos take control of the vehicle.
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